actually, death is nothing
it's the point after something has ceased
it isn't anything i can fear
or deny
or understand
or welcome
or come to terms with

what i can grasp
what is concrete
is the heartbeat slowing down
the final gasping breaths
the body locking, stretching
in agony

what i can fear or hate or accept is
the poison coursing through the veins
the gunshot wound
the crushing blow
the final cry or whimper

all these are real, they are
events in the world i live in
death is not. it's the absence
of all of that

i will never understand it
never come to terms with it
never experience it
except as a series of absences

that slowly envelope my life