just thoughts in progress. blogs used to be about this kind of stuff, right?

Not a day goes by when I don't read about the terrible things people do to animals. Here are a few things i read about in the last few weeks:

• An unidentified stranger threw a young kitten out of a window, aiming it at a protest being held about the conditions of dolphins in captivity. The fall broke one of the kitten's legs and the shock proved to be fatal.
• A poodle-type dog adopted from a shelter turned out to have a prolapsed anus, and the cause has been determined to be the insertion of 'a cucumber-sized object'. Very likely, some human being raped this little dog, or molested her with something about the size and shape of a penis. 
• A woman posts videos of herself crushing kittens and puppies to death and has an online fan following. 
• The Government of Romania has approved the mass murder of stray dogs in the country. 
• The Government of Britain has commenced its badger cull. 

And then there are the terrible things people do to people, which I read about and sometimes see with my own eyes. I could create another list here, but if you've read a newspaper recently, you know what I mean.

I live with my eyes more or less open and I am not made callous by it. I feel horror, shock, pity, anger and despair when I read of all these things. It doesn't get easier to read about cruelty and injustice, and I don't avoid the topic either, although I don't actively seek these stories these out the way some of my fellow animal welfare campaigners seem too. 

As I've said, I am aware of social injustices too, and while I primarily work with animals, I do step in to try and help the disenfranchised citizens of the city I live in whenever I can. I don't do this because I think I'm some sort of noble individual, but because I strongly believe that if we all work to alleviate the problems around us, we don't have to wallow in despair or wait for some government or corporation to apply a quick fix in return for our souls. 

I don't privilege the welfare of human beings above that of animals. But I feel that if you care about suffering and injustice at all, you have to come to a realisation that all living things who can feel pain and suffering deserve your compassion. I cannot imagine living my life in any other way.  

I am very tempted to hate and dismiss humanity, but I think it's just the selfish, oppressive, sadistic streak in humanity that I hate. 

on 'invisible communities'

Doing and talking are not the same thing. Talk is cheap and so is sympathy. You are not special and your thoughts don't mean a thing if they aren't actually put into action at some point.

I recently got into a fight on a friend's animal welfare organisation's Facebook page. My friend stated that the two cat shelters she runs are completely full up. Due to the lack of fosters and the slow rate of adoption, she is not taking in any more cats. She will continue to look after the existing shelter population, seek adoption for them and so forth, but she cannot accept any more requests to take in more cats.

Someone commented to the effect that she would love to help, but with her 3 house cats and 4 ferals she can't take on any more. While this is probably true, it's irrelevant. My friend has taken on far more than this woman ever has, and has received far too little help and support. It's in poor taste to cite your 7 moggies against the couple of hundred my friend shelters. My friend's organisation has reached a point where it can no longer do one of the things it set out to do - take in abandoned pets or ferals in need of shelter - because there just aren't enough people to share the burden. WE ALREADY KNOW THIS.

I told the commenter that, unless she could help, I didn't see the need in her posting at all. This led to a bit of a flamewar with people telling me my comments were wasting time and that I did not realise there was an 'invisible community of cat lovers' who may not be able to help this organisation, but who all do their part, presumably by being there in spirit and in online comment threads.

To which my only reply is: fuck you. You're not doing your part. If you were, people like my friend and myself wouldn't be the only ones everyone calls when they find a lost kitten or an injured feral or want to abandon their pets. There would be people like you in every community, every social circle, waiting to step in and help. There would be more shelters and more support for the shelters we have.

Instead, there are a few people stuck with growing populations of cats in need, three or four dependable fosters, maybe a handful of kittens adopted a month and no larger community of cat lovers, invisible or not, to rely on.

What it boils down to is: there are people who love animals, who feel compelled to work for their welfare, but not at the cost of their own comfort. I don't grudge them the choice - really I don't. I just wish they would realise that they're just play-acting, which is alright, I guess, and stick to looking after their handful of pets - which is the one thing they're doing right, hopefully - and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. when the grown-ups are talking.

Because I've learned that large collectives of sympathisers don't actually solve problems. Just a few committed individuals do, no matter what all the hype over online activism and the power of communities will tell you. Awareness means nothing and sympathy is just wankery. If you can't help, then keep your thoughts to yourself. Don't waste the time of the few people who actually spend most of their lives trying to get things done. Don't be white noise, it's okay not to have your say and add your voice. Everything isn't a chorus. This dialogue isn't about you, it's about achieving actual results.

Still want to join in? The be prepared to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty, because making a difference in the real world isn't just about rhetoric and debate and discussion. It isn't about community and communication and the wisdom of the mob. It's about doing. 

In the mornings, the city is almost indistinguishable from the city I knew 15 years ago, if you ignore some ugly new architecture. There are sparrows skipping on rooftops and sidewalks, morning walkers in monkey caps and woolen sweaters diligently pacing parks and pavements, sleepy schoolchildren emerging from their homes, the briefly opened front doors giving out a haze of filter coffee fumes and sambrani, the roads are empty and you can have a plate of steaming hot idly-vada for twenty rupees, a lot by the standards of 15 years ago, but surprisingly little for today.

Bean Town Blues

You will never leave the bean town
The old bean town
The plague mother will fold you
In her arms
The ghosts will caress your 
Swiftly cooling flesh
The songs of the Minstrel
Will infect you
Infested, you will hear the ballads
Of the Eukarya
You will join with the Dancer
You will stumble through streets
Lined with glass towers
And fall through shadows
Into empty courtyards
Into forgotten lanes where
Cottages gather dust
You will never leave the bean town
I will not allow it
I am the Bangalorey man
And I will not allow you
To leave. 

\See? You’re still here.

death is in my lungs i think

it can't be everywhere

i can't be sensing that whiff

 - sweet, cloying

   over-ripe, nauseating

   heavy in the nose

   heavy in the lungs

   heavy in the head

   heavy in the air and in the gut - 

                                 everywhere

it can't be following me 

it can't be that death is everywhere

and my dead always with me
                                 it can't be me

it must be that death is in my lungs
and all i need to do to escape it

is keep breathing

                       out

I want to write a zombie novel, a novel that is devoid of all life but just keeps shambling on, consuming the life force of all literature it comes into contact with until there is nothing but zombie literature, zombie poetry, zombie drama, zombie non-fiction, zombie memoirs on every shelf and every ebook reader everywhere. But I think it's already been written and you've already read it.

I think I know why
the idea
of an afterlife
is so persistent
It's not for ourselves
I think anyone can
contemplate their own
extinction
calmly
if they take a moment
to think about it
and anyway when it
happens
we're done and that's all
no, the afterlife
is so that our knowledge
of everyone else's death
can be put aside
the afterlife
is so that
you can lose a child
or a lover
or an enemy or
anyone else
(I don't mean misplace
but lose to death)
the afterlife is so you can
lose these
and not lose yourself
(of course I mean
the idea of the afterlife
of course there is no
afterlife
of course we are all
lost)